Unbelievable Green Hills: Hidden Gem of PNG's Port Moresby!
Unbelievable Green Hills: My PNG Paradise (and the Mildly Annoying Bits) - A Real Review
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to spill the tea on the Unbelievable Green Hills Hotel in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea. Let me just preface this by saying PNG is not your average holiday destination. It's raw, it's vibrant, it's… well, it's utterly unforgettable. And Green Hills? It's a decent oasis in a city that can feel a little overwhelming. This isn't your polished, corporate hotel review. This is real talk.
(Accessibility - The Good, the Bad, and the (Mostly Alright)
Right, so let's start with the nitty-gritty: Accessibility. Now, I'm not a wheelchair user, but I always pay attention to this as it's important. They claim to have facilities for disabled guests. I saw an elevator, which is a HUGE win. However, I didn't see a detailed assessment of ramps or accessible rooms. So, tentatively, it's okay. Better than some places in PNG, but definitely ask for specifics before you book if this is a primary concern.
(Arrival - First Impressions, a Slightly Off-Key Serenade)
My arrival was…memorable. They offer airport transfer, which I highly recommend. Getting around Port Moresby can be a quest in itself. The doorman was friendly enough, but boy did he love to chat! He held my bags (bless him!) while regaling me with tales of PNG's beauty. The check-in was efficient, with the contactless check-in/out being a bonus, especially in these times. And, of course, the ever-present security [24-hour] which is comforting in Port Moresby, let me tell you. The front desk [24-hour] is a lifesaver, particularly after a long flight.
(Rooms - A Mixed Bag of Bliss and…a Little Bit of "Meh")
My room? Comfortable. It had air conditioning (essential!), a refrigerator, a desk to work on (yay!), and the all-important Wi-Fi [free]. And, trust me, the Wi-Fi [free] really is. It's a miracle! I mean, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! – yes, they deliver on that. Though, it could be a bit temperamental at times. Honestly, the internet access - wireless was better than the Internet access – LAN.
The bed was comfy, the blackout curtains were divine for those jet-lagged mornings, and the slippers were a nice touch. Bathrobes too! Okay, but the coffee/tea maker…? Hmm. Nothing special, mostly just a way to burn through your first ration of complimentary tea. The bathroom? Fine. Shower? Fine. Nothing to write home about. But functional, and clean (which is always a win!). And the additional toilet was a pleasant surprise.
Now, a little confession: I loved the seating area. I mean, just kicking back on the sofa with my laptop and a cup of coffee (from my own supply, eventually) made it feel homey. My room was also equipped with wake-up service, which came in handy.
The one minor complaint? The occasional strange noise coming from the outside. Maybe it's just the city sounds, but it made me a little nervous at first. I did appreciate the smoke alarm.
(Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - Food Adventures (with Varying Degrees of Success)
Okay, let’s get down to business: food! Green Hills boasts several dining options. They have restaurants, a coffee shop, a poolside bar, and even room service [24-hour] (which is a lifesaver). Breakfast [buffet] was included, with a mix of Western breakfast and Asian breakfast. The Asian cuisine in restaurant looked pretty good, but I stuck with the Western offerings, because… comfort zone.
The coffee/tea in restaurant was passable. They have a bottle of water on the house, which is always good. The happy hour at the bar was a definite highlight - a chance to unwind with a cocktail and forget about the stresses of the day! The poolside bar? Picture yourself with a cocktail, in the PNG heat, bliss. They do offer desserts in restaurant, which I skipped. I also saw salad in restaurant and soup in restaurant.
I did order from the room service menu a couple of times. The food was decent, but not spectacular. And, be warned, sometimes service is a bit slow. Which, you know, is part of the charm of PNG!
(Relaxation and Recreation - Ah, Bliss (or a Reasonable Facsimile Thereof))
Now, this is where Green Hills shines. The swimming pool [outdoor] is a MUST. It's sparkling clean, it's refreshing, and it's the perfect escape from the heat. They also have a pool with view, which is just gorgeous at sunset. I'm not much of a gym bunny, but they have a fitness center and gym/fitness facilities. I took a peek, and it looked decent. There's also a spa, which is a plus. I didn't get a massage or a body scrub, but I heard good things. Seriously, a little spa time would have been a great way to unwind. They have a sauna, which is nice.
(Cleanliness and Safety - Feeling Safe (Mostly)
Cleanliness and safety are, naturally, paramount. I was impressed with the efforts. They’re serious about hygiene. There’s hand sanitizer everywhere. I spotted anti-viral cleaning products being used. They even have daily disinfection in common areas. The staff trained in safety protocol, and the rooms sanitized between stays. I was a bit nervous about the sanitation of the sanitized kitchen and tableware items, but I felt fine. However, I didn't see them with the professional-grade sanitizing services.
Security [24-hour], as I mentioned, is standard in Port Moresby, and that's a good thing. There’s CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property. The fire extinguisher, smoke alarms, and safe dining setup gave me a sense of security.
(Services and Conveniences - The Little Things That Matter)
They offer all the usual: daily housekeeping, laundry service, dry cleaning. The concierge was helpful, and there's a convenience store if you need anything in a pinch. Good for an impulse buy, but overpriced. You can also find a gift/souvenir shop on-site to get some fun gifts. Cash withdrawal is available, which is useful. They also have facilities for disabled guests, which needs more details to determine if the facilities are really equipped for use.
(Getting Around - Exploring the City (and Maybe Needing a Drink Afterwards))
As I mentioned, the airport transfer is highly recommended. The hotel also offers taxi service. I also saw car park [free of charge], which is good to know.
(The Verdict (and a Little Bit of Rambling))
Look, Unbelievable Green Hills is not perfect. But it's absolutely a solid choice in Port Moresby. It's clean, comfortable, and offers a good range of facilities. The staff are friendly, the pool is fantastic, and the location, while not perfect, is relatively convenient. It's a good base, and the Wi-Fi is actually fantastic.
(Unbelievable Green Hills: The Offer - Embrace the Unexpected (and Get a Discount!)
READY TO DIVE INTO THE UNFORGETTABLE?
Are you ready for an adventure? Are you ready to experience the raw beauty and vibrant culture of Papua New Guinea? Then book your stay at Unbelievable Green Hills and get ready for an experience you'll never forget!
Here's what you get:
- Luxurious Comfort: Escape to your own haven with air-conditioned rooms, free Wi-Fi, and comfortable beds.
- Relaxation at Your Fingertips: Take a dip in the stunning outdoor pool, unwind with a massage at the spa, or break a sweat in the fitness center.
- Delicious Dining: Savor a wide array of cuisines at our on-site restaurants, from international fare to local specialties.
- Convenience and Peace of Mind: Enjoy 24-hour front desk service, secure parking, and all the amenities you need for a stress-free stay.
EXCLUSIVE OFFER:
Book your stay at Unbelievable Green Hills today and receive a 15% discount on your room rate! Plus, get a complimentary drink voucher upon check-in!
But wait, there's more!
Book now and also receive:
- Free upgrade to a room with a
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because you're about to witness a travel itinerary that's less "perfectly curated Instagram post" and more "slightly manic, deeply emotional dive into the heart of Papua New Guinea." Green Hills, Pebac, PNGCR, Port Moresby? We're going in. And trust me, you are going to feel it.
Papua New Guinea: A Rambling, Glorious, and Occasionally Stomach-Churning Adventure.
Prologue: Pre-Trip Panic and Port Moresby Airport's "Charm"
Before we even think about Green Hills, let's be real: getting into PNG is an experience. Let’s just say Port Moresby airport, bless its heart, isn't exactly known for its efficiency. Landing, bleary-eyed from a ridiculous flight (seriously, those seat-back screens!), and the air… thick, humid, a mix of tropical bloom and the distinct aroma of… well, let's call it "adventure."
Day 1: Welcome to the Jungle (or, at least, near it)
- Morning (8:00 AM - NOON): Arrival and Chaos Control. I'm talking jet lag, the frantic search for your luggage (prayers answered! It’s here!), and the joy of navigating customs. The customs officer? Let's just say he was very interested in the "emergency chocolate" I'd stashed. Ended up sharing. Made a friend. Maybe.
- Lunch (NOON - 1:00 PM): Found a little place near the airport for a bite. Okay, "found" is a strong word. More like "wandered, sweating, until I succumbed to the first place serving actual food." The food? Surprisingly good! I had some kind of local fish with rice. Spicy. Sweet. And I think, think, I saw a cockroach in the corner. Didn't look closely. Moved on.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Transfer to the hotel, the Ela Beach Hotel, which looked much better in the photos online. Let's just say it has character… and maybe needs some renovations. But, hey, the view of Ela Beach is actually pretty decent. Tried to nap but the heat meant I was more sticky than sleepy. Gave up on sleep and figured I should embrace being awake.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Whenever I pass out): Beach stroll. Ela Beach is actually quite nice, despite the… shall we say, "varying levels of cleanliness" of the water. Watched the sunset, felt a wave of intense loneliness, followed by a burst of defiant optimism. Dinner at the hotel, some kind of… thing… that I suspect was supposed to be chicken. I opted for more chocolate. Then a beer. Then I slept. That’s how it needs to be on the first day.
Day 2: The Big City Rumble
- Morning (8:00 AM - NOON): Okay, let's get out of the hotel! Book a guided tour of Port Moresby. Or tried to. Booked it. Then the guide cancelled. Right. Okay, Plan B. I figured out the little buses and hopped on, feeling very intrepid. We will explore this city! Just… in a slightly less planned-out way.
- Lunch (NOON - 1:00 PM): Found a cafe (after another sweaty wander) that looked vaguely safe. Had a sandwich. Watched the locals. So many beautiful faces. Felt ridiculously out of place. But in a good way. Vulnerable. Alive.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Visiting the National Museum and Art Gallery. It was a true feast. The sculptures!The masks! The colors! It was amazing, and I spent hours wandering through the galleries, feeling humbled and a little overwhelmed. I could have easily spent the whole day in there.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Whenever I pass out): Back to the hotel. More beer. Thinking about everything – the people, the art, the chaos. A little bit lost. A little bit in love.
Day 3: Green Hills, Here We Go! (And Maybe a Breakdown)
- Morning (8:00 AM - NOON): Transportation! To Green Hills. I'm supposed to meet a guide, but I'm also running an hour and a half lates because I missed the bus. No, scratch that, the bus left without me. Cue a small, internal meltdown. The whole 'adventure' thing is starting to feel a bit… real. Eventually found someone who could help me get there.
- Lunch (NOON - 1:00 PM): Snack stop on the way to Green Hills. Didn't dare to order food.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Arrived at Green Hills. Okay, it's a village. No, a tiny village. Suddenly a bit too quiet. So much green. Met my guide, a local named John. John is quiet. John doesn’t look like he does guided tours. John is also incredibly kind. We begin an actual hike. It's intense, physical. Mud, sweat, and the sound of the jungle. I. Am. Exhausted.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Whenever I pass out): Stay in a homestay. Seriously basic. But full of heart. Dinner. Stared at the stars. Fell asleep utterly drained but with a little bit of peace. Amazing.
Day 4: Pebac Bound! (Maybe a River, Probably More Mud)
- Morning (8:00 AM - NOON): Up early! Back to the village, got a bus.
- Lunch (NOON - 1:00 PM): Had food, again I did. So it went down.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Pebac bound. It's a small island. So… so many greens. It's beautiful. The river is crystal clear. Had an unforgettable walk, I am amazed and so happy.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Whenever I pass out): Back to the hotel, I was tired. I was happy.
Day 5: PNGCR: Back to Reality (But Changed Forever)
- Morning (8:00 AM - NOON): PNGCR. The final stop. Got a bus, arrived at the airport I need.
- Lunch (NOON - 1:00 PM): A quick bite, got food, ate it.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Flight is leaving. I am feeling the pressure.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Whenever I pass out): Back to my home, I’ll be forever changed.
Epilogue: The Aftermath
Okay, so it wasn't perfect. There were moments of sheer terror. Days where I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. The food wasn't always great. I missed the bus. Twice. Possibly three times.
But… I would not trade this trip for anything. In the mess, in the discomfort, in the moments of absolute awe, I found something real. I found something… me. Papua New Guinea, you weird, beautiful, utterly unforgettable place. You've got my heart (and maybe a little bit of my sanity). I'll be back. Eventually. Maybe.
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Unbelievable Green Hills: Port Moresby's Secret, Messy, and Honestly Wonderful (Sometimes) FAQ
Is Unbelievable Green Hills *actually* unbelievable? Like, headline-worthy unbelievable?
Okay, let's be real here. "Unbelievable" is a *strong* word. It's the kind of word travel bloggers throw around while posing dramatically on a beach. Is it literally jaw-dropping, life-altering unbelievable? Nah. Is it genuinely *better* than you're probably expecting from Port Moresby, and a pretty incredible escape? Absolutely. It's more like... quietly amazing. Like finding a decent cup of coffee in a desert. You're not expecting it, and it's *so* appreciated. Plus, the locals are the definition of gracious and they really make the effort to keep it all ticking.
Okay, so what *is* it? Give me the elevator pitch, but make it honest.
Alright, picture this: You're in Port Moresby. You've probably survived the airport (and let's be honest, that's a victory in itself). You're expecting… well, I don't know *what* you're expecting, but probably not a lush, green oasis clinging to the side of a hill. Green Hills is a community-run eco-lodge, nestled away from the city's hustle. It's got bungalows, stunning views of the harbor, and the kind of birdsong that'll make you forget you're anywhere near a capital city. It's not perfect. The electricity can be… *sporadic*. The wifi? Forget about it (a blessing in disguise, frankly). But the charm, the tranquility, and the genuine warmth of the people more than make up for the rough edges.
Tell me about the location. Is it near everything? Or far, far away? Because Google Maps can be… optimistic.
Ah, location, the eternal question! You're *relatively* close to the city, depending who you ask. It's not like you can stroll to the shops for milk (unless you're a superhuman hiker). You'll need a taxi or a transfer. The drive can be a bit... bumpy. Let's just say the term "off-road adventure" applies. But that's part of the fun, right? It's far enough from the stress of the city to feel like you're on holiday, yet accessible enough that you won't feel utterly isolated (though, honestly, sometimes that's appealing).
What's the food like? Is it safe to eat? (Asking the important questions!)
The food? Oh, the food. It's… *authentic*. Let's put it that way. It's a beautiful blend of local flavors and influences. Expect fresh seafood (when available, and it's amazing!), and an emphasis on locally sourced ingredients. Safety? Look, I won't lie and say I didn't have *moments* of digestive unease. Pack some Immodium. It's always a good idea to travel, and I'm not recommending going completely rogue. Stick with the cooked food to begin with. But the taste? Worth the risk, 100%. And the presentation? Often simple, always charming. I remember this one time, I ordered grilled fish... Honestly, the fish had been caught that day, and I'm fairly sure it was still swimming that morning. It was the best fish I've eaten... ever.
Accommodation - are you staying in a hut? Please say you're staying in a hut.
Yes! Bungalows! Which are the quintessential 'vacation-hut' but elevated. You get a bed, nets, and maybe a simple bathroom. Forget five-star luxury. The luxury is that you're in a bungalow in paradise. You feel a million miles from the city, listening to the sounds of the jungle at night. The beds are comfy enough, the nets are an absolute *must* (mosquitoes are a consideration), and the views... oh, the views. Wake up to a panorama of green, and the sun glistening on the harbor. It's simple, it's rustic, it's real. Look, I'm not a fan of camping, but I'm happy to be in a bungalow in the middle of nowhere.
What activities are available? Or is it just, like, "sit and contemplate your existence" kind of thing?
Okay, so it's not exactly a bustling resort with a water park. You're not going to find a ton of organized activities. But that's part of the *beauty* of it. It's about winding down. You can hike (bring good shoes! Those hills are *steep*). You can wander through the local villages (with permission, of course; be respectful). You can birdwatch (the ornithologists among you will *love* it). You can swim (the ocean is *right there*, although swim with caution – always check the currents). But mostly, you can just... *be*. Sit on your veranda, read a book, drink some coffee (or, let's be honest, a cold beer), and listen to the sounds of the jungle. It is an 'existential contemplation' kind of thing. Which, let's face it, maybe you actually *need* that.
What should I pack? Besides obvious stuff like clothes and a toothbrush, what's essential?
Alright, crucial packing list: Mosquito repellent – industrial-strength, if you can get it. Sunscreen. A hat. A good book (or two). A torch (because electricity, remember?). A portable charger (because electricity, again!). Comfortable walking shoes (those hills are no joke, and you'll want to explore). Some small gifts for the locals (pens, notebooks, simple things are always appreciated). And, most importantly, a sense of adventure and a willingness to embrace the unexpected. Oh, and a healthy dose of patience. Things move at their own pace in PNG.
Is it safe? Because, you know, Port Moresby...
Safety is always a concern, and it's important to be realistic. Green Hills itself is generally considered safe, and the community is very welcoming. However, it’s still a good idea to take precautions. Don't wander off alone at night. Be aware of your surroundings. Listen to the local advice. The people are incredibly helpful and will give you good guidance. If you're going to other parts of Port Moresby, do your research and don't flash expensive items. Remember, respect goes a long way. Common sense is your best friend.
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